Love Me . Love Me Not .
Thursday, December 22, 2005
just came back from work not long ago.. mood damn lousy now. almost ten days in fo le..but i still feel the same. think i am going into depression soon if i dont let all of these out. kangyun will never understand..he was puzzled and there was a night we even had a big fight our this issue. i cried the whole night..not because of him, but for myself..i pity myself. so now..when i talk, he will listen but he will never know what i really mean.. yesterday sophie said i was already in a better position..at least i wasnt treated like how they treated her..but still...it hurts. she almost cried..i was so afraid she will.. she must not...she was like my pillar there..and she is much stronger than me. she worked 7am but just because of some small issue, they made her stayed until 8pm.. if that wasnt enough, when she went back, they wanted me to call her to ask her about things they were not clear about..then what? they screamed at her over the phone.. its good you are on long leave now sophie... you shall continue your battle when you come back.. they bitched about her in front of me..made me felt so damn uncomfy then asked me if i will tell her. then sophie started to ask me what they bad-mouthed about etc...its sooo difficult... my colleagues are lazy, bitchy, greedy, and blow their top at the slightest issue..nevermind...at least they treated me a slight bit better...be it fake or not. its like testing my patience but i will tolerate.. but when you have superiors who are like this if not worse...it is difficult to work. their moods change so fast i couldnt even understand whats going on. i have to work in fear...afraid they might just explode and all that... its stressful. especially when you have one borned with a fuck face and look at you like that each time she listens to you...and one with a fucked up attitude who chids you each time you speak...it is tough manz... dont mention those at the front desk..they are the ultimate.... insult, scream then refuse to listen...just think they are the best they are always right.... there is no logic, they dont get to the bottom of an issue, they just want to scold. then i will feel so bu shuang, my heart will be so heavy....misunderstood...very very yuan wang ar!! thought i could ended my day happily tonight but no....first...got freaked by guest...then next got freaked further by fucked up attitude... i still have to buy a present for someone because of the gift exchange game....where to get the mood...? then want me to contribute $$$ to buy gift for the superior-est...what for....? i am so reluctant!! planned a fucked up shift for me this week....no christmas for me lar.... i havent even bought xmas gift for anyone.. tomorrow i am off...then friday to sunday, 11pm to 7am... well, i ahve come up with my own way to deal with things though... fo has made me the fakest person on earth but who care? its a dog eat dog world and i want to survive... each day i go to work as an actress...maybe one day i will get star awards who knows? haha... then i get fired lar.. whatever....... i must not be such a crybaby anymore...no one pity me de.... -_-
i am eating fish and chips right now.. it has become a must to eat to destress after work.. and my mum bought me such a high cal food...haha.. i was thinking of the fish and chips my classmates treated me for my birthday.. it is not the same! obviously. i miss my classmates...i miss school....most of all, i miss real people!
last week i spent almost every night after work with him.... we even went to watch king kong at 3am....it ended after 6am i could hardly believe it! then next day we went his chef's place to have steamboat..he was knocked out after 5 glasses of wine..and slept for 2 hours! i had more but i was the most awake.. they even went to play billard after that... so....it was the next morning again... i havent been sleeping at home for those nights....so this week i have been a very good girl. not that it wasnt nice at home...its the best place for me to sleep in fact. but i just dont like it when my mum loses her temper or nags...my work place is enough to get on my nerves...i dont want my home to be like that as well.... sighz....my work life just sucks right now and i cant do anything but tolerate.... i must survive... he is also trying to make me happy...i can see....he makes lunch for me and even came after work to see me near my locker room before i go to work today... so i cannot make him upset.. 21st december..our 6th month together...i am so glad..
love him.... =)
*made my wish*<3
2:20 AM
