Love Me . Love Me Not .
Thursday, December 29, 2005
i am counting down to the first day of school... 9th january.. i took annual leave and ph from 6th to 8th already.. cannot take all these shit anymore...really. need a break. this week is no better..7am to 11pm all the way.. so...why am i not at work right now? well..its funny to even think about it. this morning at 7.25am..i thought i could go home after sending the wake up calls to telephone department...but unfortunately...i fell down outside the the telephone department and couldnt get up!!! my goodness....so embarassing.... a lot of people walked past and asked if i needed help i said no. they stood around thinking i really need help...but they couldnt help me because they were all guys... so they waited for a female and they helped me to housekeeping. i became the centre of attraction there and quickly phoned my colleague.. i twisted my ankle and couldnt walk... i was supposed to meet him...so i called to tell him what happened.. situation became worse..he wanted to help me but i refused.. then my manager called for a cab and whispered to me..."do you know him..?" hahaha...he was very very upset.. so i went to the doctors hoping to get just an mc...but the stupid doctor..he sent me for an x-rayat mount alvernia! nothing serious..my bone has gotten weaker and he said i cannot sprain my anke anymore or it will be terrible. so here i am at home...dont know what to do.. its like 12pm to me right now so its not sleeping time you see... 11-7 screwed up my body clock.. well, at least i get a break....
christmas was actually fun for me this year. i didnt expect it to be..but it was... on xmas eve...i did overtime at the line shop after i finished work at 7am....crazy eh? then at 3pm i couldnt take it and the manager lent me the in-house room to sleep. it was festive season, so each department get about 2 hotel rooms each to rest. i slept till 7pm, woke up, shower and waited for them to come back.. we ate turkey before i started work at 11pm.. it was such a wonderful break form fo...
so this new year's eve and new year's day i will also be doing the same.. i turned down overtime at room service and took the one at the line.. actually room service is not bad too... hmmm..... shall see.
midnight shift has been quite good for me i guess... i dont have to face many of those people....midnight crew are "better"..i do my own work..times flies and..nothing more i should ask for.. i am really looking forward to school.... miss school.... =/
*made my wish*<3
12:10 AM
Thursday, December 22, 2005
The results of your analysis say:
You plan ahead, and are interested in beauty, design, outward appearance, and symmetry. You are a shy, idealistic person who does not find it easy to have relationships, especially intimate ones. You are negative, fearful, resistant, doubtful, and/or selfish. You are not very reserved, impatient, self-confident and fond of action. You enjoy life in your own way and do not depend on the opinions of others.
*made my wish*<3
2:40 AM
just came back from work not long ago.. mood damn lousy now. almost ten days in fo le..but i still feel the same. think i am going into depression soon if i dont let all of these out. kangyun will never understand..he was puzzled and there was a night we even had a big fight our this issue. i cried the whole night..not because of him, but for myself..i pity myself. so now..when i talk, he will listen but he will never know what i really mean.. yesterday sophie said i was already in a better position..at least i wasnt treated like how they treated her..but still...it hurts. she almost cried..i was so afraid she will.. she must not...she was like my pillar there..and she is much stronger than me. she worked 7am but just because of some small issue, they made her stayed until 8pm.. if that wasnt enough, when she went back, they wanted me to call her to ask her about things they were not clear about..then what? they screamed at her over the phone.. its good you are on long leave now sophie... you shall continue your battle when you come back.. they bitched about her in front of me..made me felt so damn uncomfy then asked me if i will tell her. then sophie started to ask me what they bad-mouthed about etc...its sooo difficult... my colleagues are lazy, bitchy, greedy, and blow their top at the slightest issue..nevermind...at least they treated me a slight bit better...be it fake or not. its like testing my patience but i will tolerate.. but when you have superiors who are like this if not worse...it is difficult to work. their moods change so fast i couldnt even understand whats going on. i have to work in fear...afraid they might just explode and all that... its stressful. especially when you have one borned with a fuck face and look at you like that each time she listens to you...and one with a fucked up attitude who chids you each time you speak...it is tough manz... dont mention those at the front desk..they are the ultimate.... insult, scream then refuse to listen...just think they are the best they are always right.... there is no logic, they dont get to the bottom of an issue, they just want to scold. then i will feel so bu shuang, my heart will be so heavy....misunderstood...very very yuan wang ar!! thought i could ended my day happily tonight but no....first...got freaked by guest...then next got freaked further by fucked up attitude... i still have to buy a present for someone because of the gift exchange game....where to get the mood...? then want me to contribute $$$ to buy gift for the superior-est...what for....? i am so reluctant!! planned a fucked up shift for me this week....no christmas for me lar.... i havent even bought xmas gift for anyone.. tomorrow i am off...then friday to sunday, 11pm to 7am... well, i ahve come up with my own way to deal with things though... fo has made me the fakest person on earth but who care? its a dog eat dog world and i want to survive... each day i go to work as an actress...maybe one day i will get star awards who knows? haha... then i get fired lar.. whatever....... i must not be such a crybaby anymore...no one pity me de.... -_-
i am eating fish and chips right now.. it has become a must to eat to destress after work.. and my mum bought me such a high cal food...haha.. i was thinking of the fish and chips my classmates treated me for my birthday.. it is not the same! obviously. i miss my classmates...i miss school....most of all, i miss real people!
last week i spent almost every night after work with him.... we even went to watch king kong at 3am....it ended after 6am i could hardly believe it! then next day we went his chef's place to have steamboat..he was knocked out after 5 glasses of wine..and slept for 2 hours! i had more but i was the most awake.. they even went to play billard after that... so....it was the next morning again... i havent been sleeping at home for those nights....so this week i have been a very good girl. not that it wasnt nice at home...its the best place for me to sleep in fact. but i just dont like it when my mum loses her temper or nags...my work place is enough to get on my nerves...i dont want my home to be like that as well.... sighz....my work life just sucks right now and i cant do anything but tolerate.... i must survive... he is also trying to make me happy...i can see....he makes lunch for me and even came after work to see me near my locker room before i go to work today... so i cannot make him upset.. 21st december..our 6th month together...i am so glad..
love him.... =)
*made my wish*<3
2:20 AM
Monday, December 12, 2005
my first day back to work today... think i can expect more MCs the next 4 weeks. things are not only not smooth but difficult. i am suffering! fighting back my tears, i put on a strong front today. i will not cry. i must not show them my weakness... freaking fo..
I HATE YOU!!!!!!!
*made my wish*<3
9:55 PM
Thursday, December 08, 2005
this year..i had a rather special birthday. it had been like 8 years since i last had one like this. that day..i met up with him straight after my exams.. we went to his place because he didnt know how to wear that set of clothes he bought on his birthday..haha.. his room mate gave many funny comments...saying he looked better this way..rather than his usual old-fashioned clothes..LOL. well, i had to admit..he did look better.. he brought me to sakae for dinner and then we had to meet his room mate again..to go to my dads ktv together. it was supposed to be a surprise..but he let the cat out of the bag a little too soon.. he even tried to ask my classmates to come...haha.. in the end..it was my whole family, my sis bf, my granny, his room mate and his chef and his wife. well...i must say...i really wasnt used to such a crowd.. i was like so anti-social. i didnt want to entertain people.. haha.. he booked a room (my mum decorated the room) where we all sang and drank before cutting the cake at 10pm! my mum managed to buy me the absolute raspberri vodka..yup...very happy. my dad and mum gave me something i wanted for so long..ralph lauren romance.. my sis gave me a cute set of pjs..and my bro bought me a mascara.. he...gave me a set of earrings..from tiffany and co. ...he spent a lot again...close to 700 bucks in total.. it didnt really matter to him...but i did to me..i dont know.. it was like more than half his pay.. ok, he doesnt like me to talk about such money matters...hmmm... i was happy..still happy.. i had a wonderful birthday..from beginning till the end.......
thanks sooo much zhu laogong..!
love you sooo much.
*made my wish*<3
9:16 PM
Monday, December 05, 2005
i just came home not long ago... finally i am going to start on my hskp project..then study for the exam which is on tomorrow..! omg!! do i even have the time..? oh whatever.. my work life and school life is getting sucky and i cant do anything about it. last week was my first week in fo.. well, beyond those pretty uniforms lie the ugliest people i have ever seen in my life. i am sick of repeating what happened.. i even went room service earlier to work so that i could take my mind off it. destress. so i guess if i really need to express how i feel about my deearesst fo, it would be two words: like fuck. the creatures there just throw me deep into mental stress and there is just nothing i can do to make things better. blames. sarcasm. misunderstandings.. nobody will understand. i just cannot take it. so on saturday, i skipped work. no call to them, no mc..i fuck care. its not as if they need me. i have to stay in this freaking place for the next 3 fucking months...i need survival tips. really. especially after my exams...i have to be there for a full month....shucks man. just let me disappear....................
well.
i have to be strong. this is my last week of enjoyment.. especially when its my birthday tomorrow.. so, i shall enjoy... suffer later.
*made my wish*<3
4:50 PM
