Love Me . Love Me Not .
Saturday, November 19, 2005
i think i am getting from bad to worse..i didnt go to work today. again.. its not that i dont want to but sighz...gotta get that motivation back. improve my attitude towards work.. well, i slept at 6am in the morning. so how could i possibly go to work at 8am? i didnt sleep on wednesday night too. and i went work on thursday..it was hell! so 2 times a work might be too much for me to take..moreover i have got a date this evening..hehe..
i didnt get enough sleep, but last night was worth the torture... i told my classmate i didnt go work today, so probably we could meet up earlier. she asked why slept so late? you both quarrelled? well...ok, you were right. partially i guess. i mean everything went ok...he was moving house yesterday, i looked him up after work, we went to his new place with his other housemates. all from shang. they were still cleaning up. so they bought me dinner and i watched tong xin yuan, watched wu chu chai hong...after that they were finally done. then his roommate came home with his "wife" and we decided to leave a while later.. it was a long way out. he suddenly stopped and asked me questions. he asked what do i worry most about being with him. i said i just feared the day when you love me no more.. well, he said for him it would be the day when he would be forced to leave singapore and he would never see me again. he said he likes me very much and hopes that even so, i would go and look for him. i didnt say anything. we sat at my block and we continued talking about a lot of things (things he usually avoided talking about) then suddenly he told me he had a stomachache (not the toilet kind) because of that redbull which he dranked with his burger. eww.. so he said he wanted to go home. and i said just one more minute.. he was so mean, he said something really mean about his stomachache..like im preventing him from going home. it was 3am. so i stood up and walked away..feeling very hurt. is one minute too much?? we stopped at another block where he would take a cab. he apologised but i was at the verge of crying and he must not see it because he hates it very very very much. i didnt say anything because i couldnt and he walked away to take a cab. i walked to our usual place, sat down and cried as usual. i couldnt accept the fact that my boyfriend would always leave me alone to cry and would never even bother to care if it will affect our relationship. sometimes he knew, at times he wont. then someone sat beside me and placed a t-shirt in my hands. he said i dont have tissue, so please make do with my shirt. i didnt know what to say beacuse i have never expected him to come back for me. i was very touched. it was a cold night and he refused to take the shirt back unless i stopped crying. he said how could i ever leave you alone to cry. well you did that before.. for the first time he held me when i cried. he asked me to promise him...the next time when i feel down and want to cry, i can always call him and he will be here to lend me a shoulder. i said i thought you hated it? he said not anymore...
he went on telling me how he realised he has been such a jerk and hopes to be a good bf but with my help. he dont know how a good bf should be like.. well... im still thinking about this incident..and i just feel so touched i might want to cry again.......
love you kangyun...
*made my wish*<3
4:01 PM
