Love Me . Love Me Not .
Tuesday, October 18, 2005
time flew past quickly. so much stuff to keep me busy those 2 weeks.. how i wish i could hold on to time, let it stay a little longer just for a while more..
anyway, my darling's birthday was on 13th october.. i have never seen someone so enthu about his birthday like how he was that day. he wanted to visit sentosa..especially the underwater world. so we stayed overnight at rasa sentosa the day before his birthday. i bought him a watch and a tiramisu cake.. we checked in late about 8pm, went for dinner, then waited until 12am so we could cut the cake. the check out time was quite late..wanted to go swimming, but too lazy to get up... so head to underwater world..tix included dolphin lagoon. he wanted a shot with the dolphin too.. hehe.. then..the madness began. we went orchard.. he bought a set of clothes for himself from zara, bacause he wanted to wear it to see my parents the next time..and insisted on buying for me too. left me with no choice as the enthusiastic salesgirl fussed over me and asked me to try clothes after clothes for him to see..settled on a top and skirt from the clothes publisher. after that we went for dinner at a crystal jade korean restaurant... we forged the movie as it was already 8pm..i had to work 7-3 the next day. well...he spent close to 1k just for his birthday.. =) scary ya...but he wouldn't let me get in his way, he just wanted to do that. well well....
there were quite a number of occasions which i didn't go to school or work..my mum wasn't around and i just felt plain lazy. work has not been so good for me lately. i'm starting to lose my motivation and nobody can help me..they made things worse and worse for me.. messing up my training programme, work schedule and treating me like a ball... rolling to wherever needs help. sighz.... i don't wanna be a freaking secretary assistant. the job is so damn boring and NOT satisfying at all. i do filing and photocopying for the 8 hours i was at work. manz..i felt just like a machine. otherwise i will be making up rooms or replacing clerks on mc to pick up irritating phone calls from bitches, especially those from fo. it's making my mood go way down down down... i can't help it, it's gives me lots of food cravings and i have been satisfying it all. i didn't care.. i needed emotional support badly too.. and my darling was very sweet. he spent lots of time with me..every single day for 10 days. ;)
but i was at it again. time of the month. freak it. i wish i could control myself better. but it just didn't allow me to. we had a tiff few days ago. a very bad one. it was already 12am..we just watched "april snow" at j8 and he sent me home to my void deck. we sat at our usual place. he doesn't like to see females cry. and i did for the first time, but not directly in front of him at least. but of course he knew. he didn't know what to do. it made things worsed. he continued to say things that hurt me a lot. he was not aware. it was the cause of it. he said and said and i went away. i couldn't listen anymore. it was my fault i knew but how can he say that.. i was quite insulted. he didn't look for me. i cried enough and went back. he didn't care. he demanded to know if i regretted being with him..he asked if i was serious about this relationship, he said i had no trust in him. i was still upset. but he went away..went home to sleep. it hurted like hell. i couldn't take it. i called him. i asked him how could he do this to me. walked away without even bothering about me. i was crying again. i said maybe we were just not meant to be. then he came back, and asked to meet at the same place. he will wait till he sees me..until 11am. he needed to work at 12pm the next day. it was 4am. i went down at 5am. things got better. he apologised to me. he asked for another chance... i was feeling alright already.. we made up. but those words he said, just kept repeating in my head....until today, right to this moment..it just keeps playing over and over again. it makes me wanna cry. typing this makes me feel like crying too.. it hurts a lot. i guess this quarrel we had made me lose a little passion for him. i didn't really need, or wish to see him much anymore. seeing him reminds me of...... ouch. my dear.. i am sorry. i was petty, unreasonable, bad at chinese.. but you shouldn't have said what you said i guess. you were angry i know.. it hurted you too when i cried i know.. and i have always trusted you..maybe not completely but give me time... trust doesn't come easily for me.. forget the past i know.. but, once bitten, twice shy.. that i know too. i hope he will understand one day...
my parents touched down at 6.30pm yesterday. i didn't fetch them as my lessons ended late and i had a lot of work not done at home.. so i met up with them for dinner. then i had to see a doctor.. i don't know if it was bedbugs or not but i have been having this terrible rash that gave me insomnia for the past few days. doc gave me a jab, medicine and cream. hope i get well soon!!.. then earlier on i went for eye check to buy new contact lens.. have been having problems and yea, there is.. the doc said it is "propolis" or something. contact lens wearers' problem. to make it better i have to stop contact lens for 2-3years but no promises. i don't know how yet.. sighz.. i'm so broke now.. new contact lens cost $150 and spent more than i should and now i have to scrimp and save.. haha.. anyway, it has been a quite a (2)week(s) for me.. so "happening" ya.... sleepy le.. want to go zZz... wish me sweet dreams......
*made my wish*<3
9:06 PM
