Love Me . Love Me Not .
Sunday, August 14, 2005
a lot has happened during e week i didnt blog.. so much so much yet i dont hav e mood to blog cos my com kept disappointing me..by not publishing.. well... one major issue. housekeeping sucks big time!! i hate hskp. i hate e ppl. i hate my job. i hate to clean 15 toilet bowls in a day, on top of that bathtubs, shower rooms, sinks, beds..n vaccum e floor.. its so stressful moving from one room to e other without rest..clean n clean n clean some more.. n tw guests r soo dirty unlike vw. frm 8am to 2pm non-stop..then i became very hungry yet e moment i saw food, i wanna puke! i am not a MAID!! freak u hskp.. after i thought about that issue that day..i told him..he told me to be frank, but i was too straight-forward.. he couldnt sleep e whole nite, e next day we met up, he was frank. he told me to think abt it..continue, or give up.. i hav to be more mature in my thinking n understand things if i choose to continue.. he went restroom, i looked at his hp. it was then i somehow realised all my worries r for nothing. after i told him, he started to sms tis friend of his.. asking him abt things i said. every single thing in detail.. i saw his replies to him too.. it actually bothered him..a lot. how he didnt want to give up.. but for me to be happy..he asked me.. i already had my answer then but i chose to tell him only later... after tis whole thing..things got a lot better. i didnt think so much..he wasnt like what i thought he used to be..he tried to understand me better n hear me say things.. gave in to me in ways he wouldnt in e past.. well... i made tis choice..i wouldnt hav given up so easily. it doesnt matter no one supports my decision, doesnt matter what ppl say... they r not me..they dunno him... yup...its my life...e 5 of us went to e dinner n dance tat day.. quite an impressive one.. many ppl went, they dressed up for e occasion, there were about 6o over tables-9-course chinese set dinner, videos n games.. i went off early though..after 5th course..to meet him.. it ends at 12.30am..gotta work at 8am next day.. haha.. tis is my first time, yea..there will be a second. hee.. i havent been feeling very good lately..my flu made things worse..im ok now though..cos i splurged half of my pay on a mp3 player.. it feels good to papmper myself once in a while.. haha.. but im so broke now... waiting for payday....lol..alright...its sunday today, meaning monday blues tomorrow..! urghh... oh ya, he's finishing work at 5pm..so i gotta go...
*made my wish*<3
4:34 PM
Saturday, August 06, 2005
didnt go to work yesterday.. it wasnt fake.. it's for real tis time.. im still feeling terrible.. i need medicine to get to sleep..cos nose blocked, i cant sleep! yesterday we still met up as planned, but near my house.. i thought about so much things while waiting for him.. abt how i used to swear i will never get a bf in e hotel line cos they wont hav time for an attention-seeker like me. n how i wan to make my work life "clean" so ppl wont gossip n worse come to worse i can alwaz turn to work for help..but... how my lifestyle has changed cos of his unpredictable work schedule.. sometimes i think about how long we can last. maybe we both noe very well we may not be together in e end, but why carry on? he has big dreams, minus me. i hav dreams..but in e end i want someone who loves me n place me as top priority which i noe very well he wont. at time i dunno wat to think n may even harbour thoughts like wat if he juz wants to hav a gf then dump me when its time to go home.. such scary thoughts.. but..e moment i see him. all these unhappy thoughts go away immediately... when i see him, i feel much more secure n sure of wat im doing.. but i dunno..accepting his lifestyle does it mean getting used to it, or really like it? i used to play e dominant role in rship..decision-making, etc.. i suddenly feel like im living a totally diff lifestyle when im with him.. cant really be myself, yet. after all, we share very diff thinkings, tastes but very similar stubborn character.. we both juz love to be right so at e end of e day there is still no one who is wrong.. well well... feeling quite confused..hoping someone can clear such doubts (but no one can).. i hav brought up tis before.. he doesnt really like to discuss such issues. it makes him unhappy i hav such thoughts. he asked me to keep myself occupied, one day i will noe..tats all.. leave tat issue aside.. it gives me headaches.. its less than 2 mths n i hav such thoughts..its bad news..!today supposed to do rooms..but as i was about to wash e toilet of a wonderful suite..a call for me.. they wants me to help out at tat huge scary suite..wrap up artifacts till 10.30am. i was so curious i started to wander around e suite..amaze myself..then nearly lost my way again. lol.. then 10.30am to 2.30pm, mini-bar needs help..its me again... then i hav to go back to do e artifact thingy. its really hard work ok.. havent worked so hard for a long time.. its very "kua zhang", but i worked till i got so dizzy i didnt recognised him when i saw him.. he was like "ahem, didnt u see me?" i juz sighz..work..n dazed away.. lol.. feeling sleepy now, again... got to get more rest.. i want to get well soon... zZz.... ;_;!
*made my wish*<3
10:30 PM
Thursday, August 04, 2005
it's true that we never know what we have got until we lose it..i have never cherished it with all my heart before.i took those little things for granted i guess.but now that i do not..maybe will never have it again anymore, i miss it.i deserved it.little things that will make me happy..the other party may not share the same views.it makes me sad, but there is nothing i can do except fret.it may hurt the relationship.it made me thought twice.i guess i'm just not used to it, yEt.what if i will never get used to it...?such thoughts.it's scary..why did it even cross my mind?i am so confused.i need support that i'm not getting.really, cherish..like how i should cherish my present.(always look on the bright side of life....)don't look back wen...
*made my wish*<3
9:10 PM
flu bug has caught me.. feeling very terrible.. running nose..cough..sore throat..headaches.. sob... my first day as room attendant today.. well, not too bad.. but i juz hate to vaccum e floor! esp those suites..! i rather wash their toilet bowls, bath tub n shower area..
i had a long break again! n he was working 3-11.. so... we met up at e gym... so no one spots us n blah blah blah... juz for an hour.. ppl were like so curious.. a gal in housekeeping uniform in e gym.. lol... we juz chatted a bit.. he was working out.. then i went back work...
time flew today.
*made my wish*<3
8:27 PM
*made my wish*<3
8:12 PM
Monday, August 01, 2005
*made my wish*<3
10:09 AM
