Love Me . Love Me Not .
Saturday, July 16, 2005
changed my blogskin.. reason being: tat bear is gone..! anyway, its a good way to pass time.. i was meddling with it from 6pm till 10pm.. time juz flew past.. like tis skin a lot.. but it juz seem like a little sad to me.. well.. tis skin does say a little abt me, but not a lot k.. hee..
had quite a good week at housekeeping tis week.. dun hav to be a house attendant, they told me to changed my uniform so i could learn from e executives.. meaning..supervisors.. i wonder why they carry a red card.. i thought captain positions hold a green one? anyway, it was boring! no hands on at all.. all i had to do was tagged along, check those public areas, i mean e whole hotel.. juz walked n sat e whole day... no fun... n so many breaks... its soo boring.. glad i will be going mini-bar next week. hope its better! ...
i was thinking... if i ever start to mind when people, especially my frenz say things i do not wish to hear, then i think i will die of sadness one day.. ppl dun understand.. they judged without even getting to know e person. but at e end of e day, i will still feel happy. cos i know he will be there to cheer me up. he doesnt even care wat ppl say abt him. yea, he's right, we r living for ouselves, not anyone else. as long as we r happy, we r together, we dun really care wat ppl say.. its none of their biz, really. i guess when i say things, in my heart i was hoping for some support from ppl i need to hear from, but all i got was sarcasm n negativity. makes me feel very down, but at e same time, makes me stronger. i will not allow anyone who doesnt even know him to say such things abt him.. i do admit us being together so soon is kinda impulsive, but since it already happened, why look back n ponder? yes, i hate to be alone, i dun wan to be alone, but im not being with him cos i wan company. it isnt simply company. theres a lot more to it. i havent gone out with him for long, but it does feels like we hav known each other for ages. oh, watever. ppl wont understand. sighz.. n of course i am not cold hearted. i hav feelings, im human. ppl think im not sad to lose e other rship, juz cos im together with another person so fast. its no point being together when there r no feelings for each other already. we r not even frenz now, its like he hates me. he didnt even try anymore. tis already goes to show how much i had even mrant to fim in e first place.. i thought a new rship might make me forget abt being sad, but no.. i still think abt it. things tat remeinds me.. things tat i will never hav again... its a diff person now.. n at times i do miss some things a lot.. or rather, a lot of things. when i with him, yes, i can forget everything. but when im alone at home, hes working ot n i hav nothing to do... i cant stop myself frm thinking... im so confused... why cant i juz give up n not think anymore? i hav chosen to be with someone else, i should not even remember anymore, but i do.. n i cant tell anyone at all... is tis some kind of a big joke fate is playing on me? i dunno... all of a sudden. i feel so uncertain all over again... cos of things ppl say, e way i feel, e way he treats me sometimes...... rite now im at a stage of knowing him even better... so there is going to be a lot of obstacles. not tat he is not nice to me. he is very nice to me, too nice.. but at e same time, he is sometimes a little egoistic; like when it comes to caring abt me.. he cares too much.. in e past, i was afraid of hearing "i need to go home" , now im hearing "you need to go home"... yes, tat was already like, maybe past 11pm? but i didn t wanna go home.. haha.. ok, it me... its all abt me again... i shouldnt compare.. im getting sleepy i dunno wat im saying! woken up at 6am, by him!... (his morning calls again..haha..but tats really sweet.)... when i slept at like 3am last nite. im so tired... i better log off, take a nice bath, go to bed...... miss you my kang yun..my alex... think he's off duty already. he worked frm 6am to 11pm... i saw him today.. so happy... in fact i see him almost everyday... longest time apart is: one day. lol... but i wont be seeing him sun, mon maybe tues.. =( will miss him a lot...
*made my wish*<3
11:06 PM
