Love Me . Love Me Not .
Wednesday, April 20, 2005
well, today i acted in a way soo weird i cant even explain. perhaps its juz wats tat in my mind? today i didnt talk to her at all. but it seemed she didnt need to anyway.. i juz dunno... i was being petty i admit. but if she didnt wan talk to me too, wat can i do? but e thing is i was probably largely at fault. ok, im sorry.. but tat wont help anything anymore i guess... i dun understand myself, she doesnt understand me, i dun understand her.. perhaps i should juz give in n accept. oh, watever.. but all i wanted in class today was some peace. i need to be by myself. thinking out stuff.. but ppl juz kept getting in my way. they dun understand. one even speaks to me like every 2 to 3 months n she wanted to comment on me.. hey, look.. i noe wat u all see. she's like an angel to all of u, shes so nice so perfect so smart so innocent. n to all of u, im juz one petty devil. watever im doing isnt of anyone's biz but mine. why cant i handle my own situation without any nosy ppl.. watever u all wan say, spit it in my face. dun go behind my back n whisper wats wrong with me blah blah blah.. well, nothings wrong with me until u all start being sacrcastic to me.. wat i needed wasnt wat u all said to me alrite? i dun need ppl telling me hey shes not tat kind of person lar. aiya, ure being too petty. how can she be like tat. talk to her lar. of cos, i havent forgotten. once again, im e devil. but i didnt say anything or ask u all to say these to me. so why r u all saying tis n hurting me? then ask wats wrong with me when i started to fume? r u all tat forgetful? u juz hurt my feelings. tats wat. forget it... some kind of classmates i hav...... watever. im looking forward to work tmr.. cant wait to get tis matter of my chest.. i need to do tat by working it off! ppl juz dun understand me. they dunno anything.. they dun ask n keep blaming me, driving me towards a dead end. well, do they noe back at home im having serious financial difficulties? so serious we cant afford our house anymore? stupid hdb... to add on to tat, my bf's mum is acting like a huge block of wood without emotions n life.. i cant go out with him twice a week n he has to be home by 6pm. tats e rule we cant change.. we cant go anywhere far, we cant take dinner together, we dunno where shd we go so time is fully utilised. thus he lied n went out with me twice a week, but tat wood discovered n banned him from going out.. she said staying at home is good for him. she juz loves to see him at home. but she doesnt like other visiting her house. she doesnt understand wat it takes to keep a rship together. she doesnt understand e fact tat couples do quarrel. she doesnt see a need to go out or chat on phones. she believes smses can maintain a rship... heck! then y dun i get an sms bf instead? she doesnt even show us respect n bombard our hp with phonecalls when he doesnt reach home before 6pm.. all tis kind of shit im getting. im feeling like soo terrible im going to breakdown.. n now i hav to face new shit frm my classmates... rite now, i dun even feel i should be where i am. all i wanna do is pack up n move far far away... somewhere sooo far no human would be able to reach me...... all i need would be nature i guess.. nothing human. they r too complicated. i dun understand. juz like how thay can never understand me.......
*made my wish*<3
6:02 PM
