Love Me . Love Me Not .
Tuesday, April 19, 2005
well, yesterday n today i managed to be early for sch. oops, i mean puntual.. but nobody to see tat. haha.. cos, mon trainer on mc, tues trainer was late.. hmmm... but i will be early tmr ;) BUT, tat does not mean im enjoying sch. in fact, tis week was worse for me. worse than ever.. sux big time.. i dunno... u ppl juz dun understand me.. well, i finally realised why is sch so crappy for me though.. simply cos, i hav no true friends at sch. let me tell u wat kinda "friends" i hav before u ppl evaluate me.. now, evaluate tis: 1st kind... i may alwaz seem to be with tis friend, n i really like her a lot as a friend initially. i treat her as a gd friend, really, sincerely. but i dunno why i juz feel tis way recently. it seems she doesnt even treat me as a friend.. lately, sometimes, i juz feel as if im some kind of trash without any emotions or feelings. she doesnt even speak to me sometimes, let alone look at me when i arrive in class. ok, maybe she juz think im some kind of late student n juz wan concentrate in class, no time to "entertain" me. but throughout lessons she might not even speak to me. when she gets into conversations with ppl while walking, she forgets all abt me. whether im still near them or not, she doesnt even care. so i kept a distance frm her... abt 5m.. but she doesnt realise. yes, i tried to get into e conversation, after all we noe each other.. but i wasnt heard. i was ignored. fine... type 2... e kind who doesnt noe n misunderstands me ALL E TIME. to them, im some kind of childish n petty gal who loves to throw tantrums. tats all. but they dun ask, they dun try to understand, they try to be sarcastic... wat good does tat do? makes me fume only... do u think i love to lose my temper? i love to act like a childish brat? well, I DONT. in fact im disgusted.. but wat can i do when ppl whom i thought r my friends treat me tis way?? i talk, nobody listens. its depressing.. when i dun talk, u ppl say im quiet, im weird.. wat do u wan? maybe its generation gap? n watever u ppl wan say, spit it out. dun bitch abt me behind my back. now i noe some ppl do.. some ppl much older than me so i understand... old ppl r like tat. well, today someone told me tat maybe i should ignore all these n not fret abt it anymore. cos when im fed up, ppl juz view me as being petty.. they wont understand. well, tat is true.. i hav decided, tat wat i shall do then. not as if i cant survive without classmates. after all, they r juz some classmates. classmates. well, why do i hav such attitude? well, im brought up tat way. im juz 19, not even 20 yet. so how can i compare myself with ppl perhaps 10 years older than me? im really spoilt, i admit.. spoilt by my grandparents cos im their 1st grandchild, spoilt by my parents who never say no to me, my mum gives me watever i wans, spoilt further by my bf who never says no to me.. gives in to me all e time.. see tats why i juz cant take it when ppl ignore me, be sarcastic towards me n bitch abt me.. see, im juz one spoily child. so let me be. mind ur own biz n stop saying unecessary words to me. i will juz hate all of u.. i hate sch!! i dun wanna try no more......
-misunderstood-
*made my wish*<3
6:25 PM
