Love Me . Love Me Not .

Saturday, April 30, 2005

todays my last day at rs.. well, sad to say. it was a bad day for me!! but i tolerated of cos.. told myself not to be bothered my immature beings.. take a deep deep breath n continue walking with my head uP! it started out well initially. me delivering meals to all sorts of nice guests.. n then e first irritating thing happened. tis damned black-skinned. some housekeeping young fellow who has been irritating me for some time already.. each time i did clearing at garden wing i will see his stupid face. n he will make all sorts of comments like "wah, small gal pushing soo many trolleys ar.. hahahahahahahahah" "eh, u think u really can or not?" or "here she comes, oei u dun bang me horr.." kaoz.. who r u to comment? nvm... i tolerate.. i pretened i didnt see him.. but juz now, tat was my limit alrite.. he saw me pushing 4 trolleys at a go n purposely stood in front of me n say "ehh.. watch where u going.. wanna bang me? woooo..." then my trolleys went haywire all over e tunnel. i lost control of it. i had 8 trolleys to deal with n time was running out as i took an hour to clear those bloody trolleys n tats wat i get?? instead of "hey, can i help?" tis immature black-skinned said such childish things n laughed his heart out! well... tis time i gave him a cold hard stare, glared at him, n pushed all e trolleys onto him! manz, it nearly got him if he wasnt fast k! i was hoping it would at least break his toes if not smash his knees.. but he got away scot free.. but, he got frightened n scurried away immediately trying hard to snicker as if nothing like tat happened. e next thing i knew, i finished work, was waiting to collect uniform n he walked past. tis time he kept his eyes to e floor n pretended not to see me. hah..tat wont be e end my "frieeend"... freak u... god damned freaking freak u u black! of cos tat wasnt wat it took to make my day bad.. other things like e warmer smashing onto my shin, my ankle, ppl "trying" to "help" but created a hell of a mess for me, ppl not believing me n ended up making me do double job cos i was rite! bla bla bla... wat a freaking day for me... sighz... i hate tis type of lifestyle.. when i hav e chance, im definitely leaving e hotel line... why do i hav to torture myself n deprive myself of soo many good things in e world. like, my family, my bf, my good friends.. but till then, i hav to look on e bright side of it i guess...... freak... anyway, next week working 9am at tat line shop.. nobody seems to be aware im starting work there.. not e manager or anybody. haha.. i got my unifrom, but without e pants.. hah..no pants already e auntie said.. can u believe it? their shoes r nice though... but uncomfy top. hmmm.. tmr... wanna go orchard a while.. wan go mango.. then to furniture mall.. i need to buy a bed, my darling needs to buy stuff for his new house, new room.. finally, his own room.. hah.. then..monday.. project day.. but actually alrite.. cos going to visit some places to see if suitable for our kitchen (cum resaurant) project.. oh, watever.. so tired!! but not too bad... cos tis week i broke record. instead of e usual abt 10 rooms per day. i served 22 rooms on thurs! it was madness.. but i earned about S$70 & US$12 tip in total.. frm e rich guests tat came for some world conference or something.. but i cant use e US notes though.. hee.. but saving e rest for e 2 nites chalet at sentosa with my darling.. we booked last month assuming we should be free tat 3 days! hah.. im rich tis week.. =P tonite gonna sleep early again... all i wanna do is sleep n dream... feel so worn out... need a break... *yawnz* but first, wat should i eat for dinner...? ;)

*made my wish*<3
7:16 PM

Sunday, April 24, 2005

tmr going back sch...again... next week my last week in rs le.. kinda sad to leave.. it was e best oulet. really.. im gonna miss rs a lot a lot.. well... hmm...i was feeling very bad juz now.. my granny called. she told me last fri was my grandpa's birthday.. n he was waiting for my call.. i wished him every year. but tis year, i forgot.. he was very sad. sobz.. gonna visit them next week i think.. i feel so bad.. maybe make dinner for them.. my granny said she felt like eating tat jap curry.. hehe.. cos i was eating it juz now while chatting with her on e phone.. haha.. he came to meet me in e afternoon n we went j8 to buy some grocery n came home to cook. well.. of cos its me doing e cooking, again, n he e washing up. hah.. we ate yup, jap curry with spag, baked potato wedges n made some mango yogurt. yummm... why mango yoghurt? cos i was trying to practise wat i learnt during tat restaurant showmanship carving lesson. heh.. e orange was a failure.. ...then we watched a vcd n he went home... cos his mama..... tat mama of his... sighz.. speechless le... aiya.. better than nothing lar.. lately im kinda addicted to honey.. hah..dunno why.. drunk 3 bottles of honey in 3 days.. tmr planning to bring to sch too... heh.. ok..time to go to bed.. juz finished a draft of mu MIS project. good enough.. yester i slept at 9.30om n woke up tis morning at 9am feeling (still) sleepy.. so got up at 10am.. juz feel so worn out lately.. ok, nitez... zZz...

*made my wish*<3
9:55 PM

Thursday, April 21, 2005

nothing bad.. well, honestly.. i dunno why.. but i juz enjoy working.. time juz flies when im working.. well, had a great day at work today.. very very busy though.. n when it comes to clearing.. urghh... i used up every single bit of my strength..! imagine me pushing 5 trolleys piled up with plates, goblets, n everything heavy, through a tunnel tats requires a 2 to 3 min walk frm an end to e other, all alone..! it was fun though... haha.. next week my last week le.. hmmm... but i hate getting up soo early in e morning.. tats e part i hate abt work.. watever... wanna go rest le.. doing MIS project later.. tmr going swimming with my darling after work... long time never work out le.. hehee... =) *mood: hApPy! cRaViNg for.. sWiSs PrEmiUm's sTrAwBeRry yOguRt (later perhaps..?) yUmmm...

*made my wish*<3
6:15 PM

*made my wish*<3
5:59 PM

Wednesday, April 20, 2005

well, today i acted in a way soo weird i cant even explain. perhaps its juz wats tat in my mind? today i didnt talk to her at all. but it seemed she didnt need to anyway.. i juz dunno... i was being petty i admit. but if she didnt wan talk to me too, wat can i do? but e thing is i was probably largely at fault. ok, im sorry.. but tat wont help anything anymore i guess... i dun understand myself, she doesnt understand me, i dun understand her.. perhaps i should juz give in n accept. oh, watever.. but all i wanted in class today was some peace. i need to be by myself. thinking out stuff.. but ppl juz kept getting in my way. they dun understand. one even speaks to me like every 2 to 3 months n she wanted to comment on me.. hey, look.. i noe wat u all see. she's like an angel to all of u, shes so nice so perfect so smart so innocent. n to all of u, im juz one petty devil. watever im doing isnt of anyone's biz but mine. why cant i handle my own situation without any nosy ppl.. watever u all wan say, spit it in my face. dun go behind my back n whisper wats wrong with me blah blah blah.. well, nothings wrong with me until u all start being sacrcastic to me.. wat i needed wasnt wat u all said to me alrite? i dun need ppl telling me hey shes not tat kind of person lar. aiya, ure being too petty. how can she be like tat. talk to her lar. of cos, i havent forgotten. once again, im e devil. but i didnt say anything or ask u all to say these to me. so why r u all saying tis n hurting me? then ask wats wrong with me when i started to fume? r u all tat forgetful? u juz hurt my feelings. tats wat. forget it... some kind of classmates i hav...... watever. im looking forward to work tmr.. cant wait to get tis matter of my chest.. i need to do tat by working it off! ppl juz dun understand me. they dunno anything.. they dun ask n keep blaming me, driving me towards a dead end. well, do they noe back at home im having serious financial difficulties? so serious we cant afford our house anymore? stupid hdb... to add on to tat, my bf's mum is acting like a huge block of wood without emotions n life.. i cant go out with him twice a week n he has to be home by 6pm. tats e rule we cant change.. we cant go anywhere far, we cant take dinner together, we dunno where shd we go so time is fully utilised. thus he lied n went out with me twice a week, but tat wood discovered n banned him from going out.. she said staying at home is good for him. she juz loves to see him at home. but she doesnt like other visiting her house. she doesnt understand wat it takes to keep a rship together. she doesnt understand e fact tat couples do quarrel. she doesnt see a need to go out or chat on phones. she believes smses can maintain a rship... heck! then y dun i get an sms bf instead? she doesnt even show us respect n bombard our hp with phonecalls when he doesnt reach home before 6pm.. all tis kind of shit im getting. im feeling like soo terrible im going to breakdown.. n now i hav to face new shit frm my classmates... rite now, i dun even feel i should be where i am. all i wanna do is pack up n move far far away... somewhere sooo far no human would be able to reach me...... all i need would be nature i guess.. nothing human. they r too complicated. i dun understand. juz like how thay can never understand me.......

*made my wish*<3
6:02 PM

Tuesday, April 19, 2005

well, yesterday n today i managed to be early for sch. oops, i mean puntual.. but nobody to see tat. haha.. cos, mon trainer on mc, tues trainer was late.. hmmm... but i will be early tmr ;) BUT, tat does not mean im enjoying sch. in fact, tis week was worse for me. worse than ever.. sux big time.. i dunno... u ppl juz dun understand me.. well, i finally realised why is sch so crappy for me though.. simply cos, i hav no true friends at sch. let me tell u wat kinda "friends" i hav before u ppl evaluate me.. now, evaluate tis: 1st kind... i may alwaz seem to be with tis friend, n i really like her a lot as a friend initially. i treat her as a gd friend, really, sincerely. but i dunno why i juz feel tis way recently. it seems she doesnt even treat me as a friend.. lately, sometimes, i juz feel as if im some kind of trash without any emotions or feelings. she doesnt even speak to me sometimes, let alone look at me when i arrive in class. ok, maybe she juz think im some kind of late student n juz wan concentrate in class, no time to "entertain" me. but throughout lessons she might not even speak to me. when she gets into conversations with ppl while walking, she forgets all abt me. whether im still near them or not, she doesnt even care. so i kept a distance frm her... abt 5m.. but she doesnt realise. yes, i tried to get into e conversation, after all we noe each other.. but i wasnt heard. i was ignored. fine... type 2... e kind who doesnt noe n misunderstands me ALL E TIME. to them, im some kind of childish n petty gal who loves to throw tantrums. tats all. but they dun ask, they dun try to understand, they try to be sarcastic... wat good does tat do? makes me fume only... do u think i love to lose my temper? i love to act like a childish brat? well, I DONT. in fact im disgusted.. but wat can i do when ppl whom i thought r my friends treat me tis way?? i talk, nobody listens. its depressing.. when i dun talk, u ppl say im quiet, im weird.. wat do u wan? maybe its generation gap? n watever u ppl wan say, spit it out. dun bitch abt me behind my back. now i noe some ppl do.. some ppl much older than me so i understand... old ppl r like tat. well, today someone told me tat maybe i should ignore all these n not fret abt it anymore. cos when im fed up, ppl juz view me as being petty.. they wont understand. well, tat is true.. i hav decided, tat wat i shall do then. not as if i cant survive without classmates. after all, they r juz some classmates. classmates. well, why do i hav such attitude? well, im brought up tat way. im juz 19, not even 20 yet. so how can i compare myself with ppl perhaps 10 years older than me? im really spoilt, i admit.. spoilt by my grandparents cos im their 1st grandchild, spoilt by my parents who never say no to me, my mum gives me watever i wans, spoilt further by my bf who never says no to me.. gives in to me all e time.. see tats why i juz cant take it when ppl ignore me, be sarcastic towards me n bitch abt me.. see, im juz one spoily child. so let me be. mind ur own biz n stop saying unecessary words to me. i will juz hate all of u.. i hate sch!! i dun wanna try no more......
-misunderstood-

*made my wish*<3
6:25 PM

Sunday, April 17, 2005

ha, see wat happens when im home alone, bored with nothing to do..?
quiz marathon..!
juz now didnt hav much of a proper dinner.. juz some scrambled eggs with mini 'soonkueh' n half bowl oatmeal while watching a 'jurassic park' dvd.. after tat i was sitting in front of da com, till now.. luckily he juz called, my bro juz came home, followed by my sis. now i can go to bed.. im soo sleepy i could hardly type anymore... nitenite.. enjoy my quiz results..! indeed a good way to pass time.. 2 thumbs up!!

*made my wish*<3
12:19 AM

Saturday, April 16, 2005

You Are a Peppermint Cappuccino

You're fun, outgoing, and you love to try anything new.
However, you tend to have strong opinions on what you like.
You are a total girly girly at heart - and prefer your coffee with good conversation.
You're the type that seems complex to outsiders, but in reality, you are easy to please

What Kind Of Coffee Are You? Take This Quiz :-)

Find the Love of Your Life (and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance.

*made my wish*<3
11:58 PM

You Should Date An Italian!

Your love for old fashioned romance, with an old fashioned guy
An Italian guy is the perfect candidate to be your prince charming
If your head doesn't spin enough, just down another espresso with him
Invest in a motorcycle helmet - and some carb blocker for all that pasta!

Which Foreign Guy Should You Date? Take This Quiz :-)

Find the Love of Your Life (and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance.

*made my wish*<3
11:51 PM

You Are A Professional Girlfriend!

You are the perfect girlfriend - big surprise!
Heaven knows you've had enough practice. That's why you're a total pro.
If there was an Emily Post of girlfriends, it would be you.
You know how to act in every situation ... to make both you and your guy happy.

What Kind Of Girlfriend Are You? Take This Quiz :-)

Find the Love of Your Life (and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance.

*made my wish*<3
11:21 PM

The PJ's You Are Most Like: His Shirt

You're a loyal and caring girlfriend who can't get enough of her manSo much so that you love to have him with you 24-7And when he's gone, wearing his shirt is the next best thing

What Kind of PJ's Are You? Take This Quiz :-)

Find the Love of Your Life (and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance.

*made my wish*<3
11:07 PM

Not a Girl, Not Yet a Woman

Inside you've got the passion and ideals of a teenager
And your intensity for life is what attracts most of the men you date
You also like to party - and quite often you're the life of the party
You've brought the best of your younger years with you... at least most of the time.

Are You a Girl or Woman? Take This Quiz :-)

Find the Love of Your Life (and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance.

*made my wish*<3
11:01 PM

You Are an Indifferent Ex

You're not one of those girls who thinks about her exes - or even remembers them
"Love 'em and Leave 'em" is your motto. And your break ups tend to be a clean break.
It's a nice strategy to have, and guys appreciate your total lack of emotional baggage.
But just a little reminder: it is okay to remember the good parts of your past, even with exes.

What Kind of Ex Are You? Take This Quiz :-)

Find the Love of Your Life (and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance.

*made my wish*<3
10:57 PM

Your Candy Heart Is "BE MINE"

You've got your eye on someone, that's for sure
And you're hoping for a little spark to erupt
Make it happen on Valentine's day by going from friendly to flirty
Or if you're shy, at least play Secret Admirer

What Candy Conversation Heart Are You? Take This Quiz :-)

Find the Love of Your Life (and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance.

*made my wish*<3
10:47 PM

Your Relationship Will Last... A Long Time!

Your guy is ideal, as close to Mr. Perfect as he could be
If you took this quiz, you may be doubting that...
Don't! No guy is perfect but yours comes really close
You guys will last for many years, as long as you appreciate him!

How Long Will Your Relationship Last? Take This Quiz :-)

Find the Love of Your Life (and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance.

*made my wish*<3
10:40 PM

Your Lip Gloss Flavor Is: Cotton Candy

You're a total girly girl who's every guy is sweet on.

You take pleasure in the simple things in life, from cute t-shirts to stuffed animals.

Any guy needs to match your romantic idealism to win your heart, which is why few have.

No wonder Cotton Candy is your signature flavor. It's delicious, sugary, and fun - like you!

What Flavor Lip Gloss Are You? Take This Quiz :-)

Find the Love of Your Life (and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance.

*made my wish*<3
10:34 PM

i juz cant believe it.. how can u do tis to me.. im home alone for goodness sake! arghh... 5 mins ago it was raining soo heavily.. i tried to close all e windows within a min.. but its like unbelieveable... e rain practically showered my bedroom! my floor has puddles of water. PuDdLeS! my fan is drenched, even my bed at e far end is all soaking wet! e most outrageous, my walls r all wet too..! my room is a mess, all my things r on e floor. why? cos only e windows of my room is opened at tat time.. nobody at home, remember? no one... cant even slack... got some, NO, lots of cleaning up to do now... wat a day! =(

*made my wish*<3
5:29 PM

tmr is sunday.. sunday!!! well, happy but sad.. happy cos i will be out with my dearest.. gonna watch a movie i guess.. sad. why... cos i hav to go back to sch on monday! i dun wanna go sch... i hate sch... i rather work ok.. in fact i enjoy working rite now, n its kinda weird.. 2 more weeks left in rs n will be going to the line shop. sighz.. heard its not a very nice place to be. in fact nobaody wans to work there. wonder why.. izzit true..? well.. i definitely miss rs. so far, rs is e best outlet. i love everything abt it, except tat yucky uniform.. haha.. small family, good management, get to run about, much more freedom, fun to work n e list goes on... time juz passes so quickly when im working.. good things dun last i guess.. but of cos things doesnt alwaz go smoothly. alwaz get hindered by immature ppl.. sighz.. too many immature ppl in da hotel.. mainly older "men" n... of tat race. oh ya, i finally got to see how e shangri-la suite looks like.. it was like....gorgeous.. bigger than my house.. a huge living room with plasma tv, large dining area which sits 12 i think, a pantry area, kitchen, a study room, 3 bedrooms n a private lift area.. but i got lost inside n couldnt come out... tried almost every door n finally got out. lol.. wat an experience.. haha.. ok, i was very mean today. but i shall not talk abt it. lol.. anyway, i miss working.. haha.. rite now im home alone, with no dinner plans n probably will remain tis way for e next few hours.. soo tired, juz came home.. ok, time for me to slack... zZzzz... -_-!

*made my wish*<3
5:00 PM

Thursday, April 14, 2005

well.. had a tiring day at work today.. but amazing.. it was enjoyable too.. better than attending lessons.. i hate sch.. everything abt it suddenly sux.. i juz dun feel like going sch.. maybe tats why im late so often. juz dun see any motivation or maybe nothing to look forward to.. juz so sucky.. i may be working 7-3 shift everday for tis week, but i woke up so willingly n happily enjoy working.. but today was really very funny.. cos tis colleague of mine. he juz makes me wanna laugh n laugh.. but at mean jokes... lol.. laughing a bit too much today. keke.. but at e same time, its so confusing. think those guys at my work place find me a weirdo? simply cos im not like those other gals.. eww... no way. they juz like to ask me y tis y tat.. oh...shut up. basically those chefs. i cant stand chefs. they r soo eccentric i dun wan understand them. i noe there is no harm making frenz n maybe going out, but i juz dunno them well enough. i dun even try.. i dun wan another misunderstanding. but i shouldnt stereotype. wat should i do? he is really not bad.. as a fren. for e past 2 months he has been asking for my number, saying juz to make friends. but i dunno abt tat.. i see no harm but i dun wan tongues to wag when another misunderstanding comes up.. perhaps its juz purely frenz, but it seems too weird cos all i noe is his name. i dunno how old he is, where he comes from, wat kinda person he is (looks can be deceiving)... so i told him today. i think i dunno u well enough to give u my number. ure like a stranger to me. so he said, then he shall allow me to noe him better first. n give him my number when i feel more open enough towards him..? wats tat supposed to mean? so weird. wat a way to make frenz.. but im juz wary.. not tat i dun wan befriend ppl, juz tat i dunno if there is hidden meanings, which somtimes do. i dunno.. jiao peng you ye yao ne me xiao xin, tai ke xiao le ba.. but i think my main reason is tat im afraid my darling would be unhappy. cos he is asking me out even before i noe much abt him, so u see, how can i go out with a stranger?? lol... i will go out with him maybe in e future (maybe not?), but only if i noe him better.. maybe..? u see, im getting soo rrr abt tis cos i havent been going out with ppl i dun really noe for a long time already.. in e past i can do tat, out of curiousity n fun n wanna make more n more frenz, but now... im not keen in playing such 'games' anymore i guess.. if we r frenz, we r. i dun try to befriend ppl. tats soo not current me. wat do u think..? make more friends..? or leave things n cook up more excuses...? hmph... i dont know.

*made my wish*<3
6:16 PM

Tuesday, April 12, 2005

yupz... once again. yesterday late, today late again.. how can i ever be punctual for sch..? but e funny thing is tat no matter how late i am, there will alwaz be more ppl later than me. haha.. beware ppl.. im easily irritated lately.. so juz dun say or do things tat get on my nerves. u noe me.. please dun... or bear e consequences of it... hmph.. things r not going so well for me lately. some ppl make my work life sux big time, i juz dun understand wats going on during lessons, my bf's mum is a pain in e arse & now my classmate... sighz... wats e matter with ppl these days.. if only i could juz hibernate at home for e next few weeks till i feel better... maybe i would feel better...... maybe.

*made my wish*<3
5:15 PM

Tuesday, April 05, 2005

1st day of sch: i was late. 2nd day of sch: i was late again.. not tat i did it on purpose, but i juz wanna sleep more... zZzz... well.. sch was kinda boring.. but today there was restaurant showmanship, tat, was kinda fun actually... tis sem, more projects again.. well... i juz dun fancy projects. they keep me busy n take away all my social life.. i hate them! arghh.. tmr i'll be meeting my darling le.. finally.. after 3 days.. only he can set things rite for me.. im feeling so tired i juz wanna eat.. there's nothing more than tat tat will make me happy rite now... my next off day is tis sun, y is it taking a lone time to arrive? sch is boring. but i dread going to work.. tmr is WEDNESDAY. omg...

*made my wish*<3
9:02 PM

Sunday, April 03, 2005

these past 5 days had been like "hell" for me.. waking up at 5am, back home only at 4plus, once even came home at 10pm cos of a silly excursion to e beer brewery.. insufficient sleep, not enough rest, lack of social life... it was terrible manz! nobody is even at home to talk to me n i had to go to sleep early all alone.. no one to say goodnight to or anything alse at all... so lonely k... sob... i hate 7-3 shift!! but most definitely, i learnt alot. it was really very nice meeting different guests on different days.. kinda fun.. hee.. but tiring lor... see, no off day n im back to sch tmr.. wat kinda lifestyle is tis?? luckily yesterday i managed to squeeze in some time to meet my dearest darling... hey, i could hav gone home take dinner n go to sleep k.. but i took a shower at shang, so i felt more refreshed then we went ps to watch eye10. wat a lame movie.. but nonetheless, i was amused by it.. in e end went home abt 10plus n slept only at 12am!! argh... but today was bad work day.. many unhappy things happened.. yet tis stupid bangladeshi wan make it worse for me.. ok.. he is oso a shatec trainee.. tat means he is some rich bangladeshi's son tats y he is able to study overseas, shatec some more.. but his brain is worse than tat of a bangladeshi construction worker! (at tis point i would like to clarify, YES i am racist. ppl who noe me well enough will noe..) anyway, he came in to room service on e same day as me. his laziness puts me off, his attitude n character juz piss me off.. no matter wat he does now wont help tat perception of mine. thus, i hav never spoken to him much before.. juz a one or two word reply. i juz hate unproductive ppl u see.. i hav to do his portion of work ok. anyway, all he ever says to me is why r u so quite (he meant quiet). i acted blur n said huh wat? wat quite? dun speak broken english can? cos he asked me tat like 3 times a day n it juz puts me off. cos he added on when i didnt answer... "r u tis quite at home?" "u dun talk to ur family?" "wat does ur bf thinks abt ur quiteness?" "r ur bro n sis all quite like tis, like u?" tat was e last straw! i glared at him n nearly blurted out: "will u mind ur own biz mr bangladeshi? dun act worse than a construction worker can?" my personal life is none of his fishing biz u see? i dun like him tats y i dun wish to talk to him. fullstop. simple as ABC. my captain already jokingly warned him.. he asked him not to irritate me like tat, i may keep quiet n not answer, but tat means my bite is going to be horrible! haha.. so today when he asked again, i pretended i couldnt hear.. had enough of his nonsense.. alwaz trying soooooo hard to act like he is humourous, finding excuses for his LAZINESS, acting like one big flirt when he is juz one balding old young bangladeshi. sick manz... i wanna puke ar.. eww... enough of tat jerk.. wanna go nap le.. a hungry man is an angry man.. a sleepy gal is an irritated gal..... ya.. im very grumpy now.. dun wanna say more le......

*made my wish*<3
6:11 PM