Love Me . Love Me Not .
Wednesday, February 02, 2005
well.. come to think of it. i deserve all these unhappiness. my bf is not entirely at fault. mainly me i would say. i should understand him n not make him do things juz to please me. i should understand tat im his first gf. so how can i blame him when he doesnt understand anything.. of cos he doesnt. im e only gal he goes out with. if tats wat i wan, i hav to understand him.. to be honest, i didnt cherish him when i should. i took many things for granted. his mum wanted him home, but he actually continued to stay with me till it was really too late.. why didnt i realise how much he was already giving in to me? all thoses time he spent with me, all those little things he does for me. i only learnt to cherish when he was going to break up with me. wats e point wen? he wont be "lying" abt it forever. wat if one day he seriously wans to leave me? at tat time, u would really regret n its far far far too late. i should learn to care more for him n understand his difficulties.. surely i dun wan us to end juz like tis. no.. never.. he is a great guy. i love him a lot. but i hav never told him, r showed him how much i actually cared deep within. im busy, but i can alwaz make time? its abt planning rite? if i really love him a lot, i should learn to let him feel tat i really care.. i hav to before its too late.. our rship is like so not stable now.. i dun wish to capsize it. at e same time im really afraid... wat if i put all of myself into tis rship, love him so much, care so much, n in e end its all a lie? wat if he turns out to be like any of those guys i detest? its so hard for me to trust guys.. i juz cant.. i cant even trust myself too.. but tis is our 3rd year together.. surely i should noe wat kind of person he is? but... well.. im juz afraid to trust. i cant trust guys. tats e main problem.. but i hav to trust him so i can truly care for him.. wat should i do... i love him a lot.. i dun wanna lose him... never...
*made my wish*<3
11:15 PM
