Love Me . Love Me Not .
Saturday, February 26, 2005
my com finally ok le.. today dun hav to work.. cos my manager wans me to clear my leave in bqt.. sighz.. yesterday..my last day at bqt dept. next week gotta work 7-3 shift at room service le! oh no.. so early... dunno if i can get up on time.. i hate to have to wake up early in e middle of e nite.. hmph.. i was doing my bqt project. doing it now..n later too.. when will tis torture ever end? im close to giving up already ppl.. if u all r not aware.. tmr...i dun care le.. gonna bring my honey to tat nice place carol brought me to to chill out. need a break manz! im gonna die doing tis project! got it? but tmr nite, im sure i still hav to continue.. damnz.. i juz hate it.. march hols coming for my darling.. finally hav more time for me le.. hehe.. but no matter how much time, its never enough to me.. i wan all his time!! haha...
*made my wish*<3
6:47 PM
Sunday, February 20, 2005
why.. cos my com is full of wat spyware, adware.. arghh.. i hav a few mins to blog before my com shuts off by itself again. haha.. i hate my bqt project. its really driving me crazy.. i was like so busy with it i hardly hav any time for myself.. let alone him.. i juz wanna give up, n dun care abt it anymore. but... i cant.. my woking life hasnt been so great lately too.. e ppl there juz dun work right. hey, wats e point of screaming at me, hurling abuses at me, using all sort of vulgarities on me? it juz lowers my morale n makes me hate working there. i have alwaz hated bqt anyway. no sense of belonging.. im actually glad i hav my 2 classmates in tis same dept with me. at least i dun feel so alone anymore.. e ppl there juz sux.. i hate those china gals, malaysians.. arghh... some sporeans r no better too.. they dun hav standards. everything anything.. then u might as well dun work.. shang is wasting all their $$ on these ppl.. well.. it will be over soon for me. soo happy.. hee.. next week is my last week in banquet! yay..! but... im working 7 in e morning everyday..! arghh... then i will be going to room service.. haha.. or nadaman? not confirmed yet.. but its kinda weird at e same time.. cos im actually feeling kinda sad to leave bqt. sure there r those times when i felt soo mad.. but there r also happy moments there.. fun moments too.. hehe.. i will really miss some ppl there.. i mean 4 months there.. unlike my usual 2 months at other depts... okok.. im unhappy sometimes, but i do not regret being placed there. im so sad.. no more bqt for me? i hav to go to a new dept, get to noe e ppl there all over again.. tats e scary part... :/
*made my wish*<3
7:24 PM
Thursday, February 10, 2005
today is chu er.. haha.. n everyone is coming my house. good for me.. i can stay at home.. yesterday we went visiting very late.. abt 2pm we reached our first destination: ah ma, ah gong house. then went wai po house.. to wai po relative's house, finally e w*tch's house.. a very big house.. 3 storeys, with garden n backyard, balcony, porch, bbq area etc.. but too bad.. not on very good terms with tis cuz of mine.. so i dun get to visit tis nice house often. hehe.. its a really nice house. anyway, i had nothing to do.. so i played black jack with my cousins n relatives for e 3 hours tat i was there. well.. won a little.. $15.. didnt lose at all. haha.. lucky lucky.. so today, i hav e $$$ to catch a midnight movie with my darling. hee.. he's coming later.. abt 7pm.. im waiting... im bored.. maybe later go help my mum a little with her dinner preparations ba.. okie..going back work tis sat. zZz.. rite now im going to enjoy my precious PH.. tmr im going to visit my darling's family then we r going to come my house n prepare steamboat.. juz for e two of us.. yum..my favourite new year meal... =)
*made my wish*<3
3:32 PM
Sunday, February 06, 2005
had a busy day at work on thur.. fri too.. maybe sat.. thur there was a silly cooking competition among e turkish ppl.. everything was fine except tat irritating, bossy, do-nothing-except-quarrel headwaiter who cant stop using tat f word on us. he juz sux big time. i hate him. fullstop. then fri... i was so so so mad at someone.. i think he has a big big problem.. so far i never had any problem working with anyone.. but he was like making me !!! it was a 9oo over pax dinner n we didnt hav enough staff, so it was juz me n him to 3 tables.. reasonable enough.. but space was a big problem.. on top of tat he forgot to bring his specs n had problems seeing n even looking for me!!! it was already so difficult to move abt e tables n e guests were so demanding. one moment they r asking me for plastic bags, next they want ice water n all those stuff.. so...being a full time staff..unlike him...im taught NEVER to say no to all guests of shang! but wat did tat fellow say? ignore them lar! sorry hor, not for me.. thus he couldnt find me n told louis i didnt help him serve e tables n tat he had to serve 3 tables alone! tat was one big LIE! so louis told tis stupid gal to look for me n when she found me she asked where u go? why didnt u help him? if u noe no shit, u juz shut e fish up. i served at least one table if not 2 ok. it was him who was slow cos he couldnt see! then he didnt get e food for e vegetarians. when i kindly asked, he screamed at me saying he was too slow cos of me! how can it be? its only a fixed amt of veg mister.. so i went to get it frm e chefs myself...... then behind me he was screaming at me oei oei oei, instead of my name anymore.. i dun giv a fish. frm tat moment onwards, i totally ignored him! he didnt even get e food for e 4th course n skipped it! william helped me get it n when he was abt to serve for US. tis stupid guy lied tat it was served. i told william no, was NOT serve. haha.. damn u.. wanna play? i play along with u... then at 12.15pm, someone asked me if i wanted to go home. i intended to leave at 11pm.. didnt even noe so late le. so i WENT HOME. leaving him to clear up all alone! e function supposed to end at 1.30am. haha.. serve u right for treating me tis way. who's tis big LIAR? meng dan. tats his stupid name..! i was so angry ok... in e end i had to serve 3 tables all alone for e rest of e courses cos he wouldnt help me.. r u even a guy..? working with china guys sux. except for 1 or 2 perhaps.. then yesterday.. i was all alone again. only me n a captain for a 40pax function.. but i get to go home 2 hrs early.. hehe.. =) abt 2 more weeks left in banquet. moving on to room service soon. so happy.. i hate banquet! never going back..! ;) CNY coming.. soo happy.. i took ph on thur, fri.. going back to work on sat :/ hee...
*made my wish*<3
10:46 PM
Friday, February 04, 2005
i want my ring back! i juz cant find it... i went to search for it everyday.. but i juz cant find it. sobz.. its gone forever now... im so sad. im so upset i did wat i did. i wan everything back... my memories, all my precious stuff.. they r all of sentimental values.. im so upset k.. its my fault i noe.. but i juz wan all of them back.. especially my ring......
*made my wish*<3
1:27 PM
Thursday, February 03, 2005
not going to think so much abt unhappy stuff.. i juz got reminded of wat happened earlier tis afternoon.. shuckz.. cant stop laughing.. wonder why we all did tat. it was so childish manz.. haha.. my project grp was e last to leave e class. but sophie went restroom.. then tis silly idea of scaring her by hiding, n prtending we hav all gone came to tis guy's mind.. then e 3 of us hid behind e chairs to wait for her to come back! haha.. hiding behind e chairs? tats like so childish! haha... but tis daren, decided to change spot n sophie came in thinking daren was squatting down to pick up things.. haha.. gosh..! gotta go sleep.. getting up at 6am tmr to go work! sighz.. i prefer my 3-11 shift. hee.. btw wats funny bone?
*made my wish*<3
1:06 AM
Wednesday, February 02, 2005
well.. come to think of it. i deserve all these unhappiness. my bf is not entirely at fault. mainly me i would say. i should understand him n not make him do things juz to please me. i should understand tat im his first gf. so how can i blame him when he doesnt understand anything.. of cos he doesnt. im e only gal he goes out with. if tats wat i wan, i hav to understand him.. to be honest, i didnt cherish him when i should. i took many things for granted. his mum wanted him home, but he actually continued to stay with me till it was really too late.. why didnt i realise how much he was already giving in to me? all thoses time he spent with me, all those little things he does for me. i only learnt to cherish when he was going to break up with me. wats e point wen? he wont be "lying" abt it forever. wat if one day he seriously wans to leave me? at tat time, u would really regret n its far far far too late. i should learn to care more for him n understand his difficulties.. surely i dun wan us to end juz like tis. no.. never.. he is a great guy. i love him a lot. but i hav never told him, r showed him how much i actually cared deep within. im busy, but i can alwaz make time? its abt planning rite? if i really love him a lot, i should learn to let him feel tat i really care.. i hav to before its too late.. our rship is like so not stable now.. i dun wish to capsize it. at e same time im really afraid... wat if i put all of myself into tis rship, love him so much, care so much, n in e end its all a lie? wat if he turns out to be like any of those guys i detest? its so hard for me to trust guys.. i juz cant.. i cant even trust myself too.. but tis is our 3rd year together.. surely i should noe wat kind of person he is? but... well.. im juz afraid to trust. i cant trust guys. tats e main problem.. but i hav to trust him so i can truly care for him.. wat should i do... i love him a lot.. i dun wanna lose him... never...
*made my wish*<3
11:15 PM
haha.. but tats so not funny.. he came to my house juz now. i went home n saw him at my house waiting for me.. he wanted to talk. he said we should be together. we should overcome all obstacles together. finally he realised. only a bit too late though. i was extremely heartbrokened last nite. i took it out on all e gifts n cards he gave me. i didnt wanna read them again anymore. so i tore up all of e cards. into bits n peices. n then i regretted immediately. all these cards were given to me rite frm e start of our rship. something precious to me. n i actually did tat? frm my 17th bday to 19th bday, all my xmas cards, vday cards.. all gone now.. on top of tat i broke 2 necklaces tat he gave me too.. one was a recent gift. my xmas gift. how heartless of me. but it wasnt e first time. im juz too impulsive. i broke e watch he gave me too.. i really regret tat k.. it hurts to look at e time now.. something else even more heartbreaking. we were arguing juz now n out of frustration, i threw e promise ring he gave me for our first valentine's day out of my window.. i live on e 14th storey. immediately i realised wat i did n regretted it. i rushed down to look for it. it was 7.30pm. e sky was getting dark. i searched n searched. but to no avail. its gone... im so sad.. i didnt mean to throw it.. my bf.. he juz alwaz makes me mad to tis extent. or perhaps im juz tis spiteful. i do things to make him sad when he makes me sad? i dunno.. but it really hurts. i wan my ring back... if u ask me.. i really dunno.. should i really continue to be with him? is such quarrels normal in a rship? can i even trust tat he wont hurt me anymore..?
*made my wish*<3
10:46 PM
how ironic.. now he is telling me he has never wanted us to part before.. he wans to be together.. he said he said all those things juz to make me cherish him? should i laugh or cry? hahahahaha...
*made my wish*<3
10:29 PM
Tuesday, February 01, 2005
dun console me. i didnt cry very hard. tis wasnt e first time anyway. i was mentally prepared. we werent spending much time together anymore. i hardly understood him, he didnt understand me. we drifted further apart. he didnt care, i didnt bother. last nite i was telling him abt it. he couldnt spend more time with me. he wanted to be friends. friends? not for me.. he told me to wait. maybe he could be with me again when things get better at e end of e year, after his a levels. i said no. wait? to be together again so i could wait for him finish ns? another 2 years? no way.. well... he didnt seek my opinion. didnt ask how i felt. we put in so much effort building up tis rship. but a phonecall was all it took to end it once n for all. juz a single call could break us up juz like tis. he didnt even think twice. it was like it meant nothing to him. i didnt tell him. i didnt noe wat to do. he did ask, but only when we were abt to end e call. but i didnt say. he will never noe...
*made my wish*<3
10:00 PM
keeping myself busy with projects. work. dun wanna think abt it anymore. 2 years 4 months 3 weeks 2 days and it was all a lie. he wans a break up..
*made my wish*<3
9:02 PM
